5 Signs You Are Your Own Worst Enemy (And What To Do Instead)

​Are you doing everything you are supposed to and still struggling? Happiness, healthy relationships, a satisfying career, and wealth all seem out of your control? Maybe you are even asking yourself why you're not getting ahead? Are you having difficulty finding opportunities, or could it be you're not grabbing the chances when they come to you? 

I work with clients that struggle with these same issues, and the most common reason people fail is that they're engaging in self-defeating behaviors. Could this be a problem for you too? 

If you're not finding happiness, engaging in healthy relationships, or building a satisfying career, you might want to consider whether or not you've become your own worst enemy. Often we feel like we have no control over our lives, but in fact, you could be trapped in a self-defeating cycle that keeps you miserable.

How can you tell? Look for these five signs:

You Use the Emergency Exit
Or the "nothing is ever finished" cycle. Do you tend to come close to completing a project only to stop at the last minute? When you feel the need to stop, ask yourself why? Could it be you're afraid to take the next step? Ask yourself what you are worried about? Are you afraid of failure or success? And know that you are not alone; most people are fearful of moving forward and taking chances. For some folks, this is why we sabotage relationships the moment we start to feel close to them or deeply connect with another person. It's also why we throw a monkey wrench in the works when we hear we're being considered for promotion. 

Instead, complete your project/task before moving on to something else.

Procrastination
Can't ever seem to get anything done? Deadlines come and go, and still, you can't seem to get motivated? It could mean you don't feel you have the skills you need to finish the task. When we don't feel confident in our abilities, it's natural to put things off, hoping that we will finish them later. The problem is this clarity rarely comes. In truth, we only wind up making ourselves feel worse by missing deadlines. 

Instead, ask for help.

You Trust Other People More Than You Trust Yourself
It's essential to ask for help, seek advice, and receive feedback, but you also need to trust your instincts. When we value other's people opinions over our own, to our detriment, we are self-sabotaging. (This is especially true if you have "friendly enemies" in your circle.) If you are allowing other people's opinions to dictate your life, then you are giving away your power and allowing them to determine your life. 

Instead, trust your institution.

You're Not Focused On the Right Thing
 Are you easily distracted? If you're worried about one project's outcome, it's not uncommon to throw yourself into another. We do this to take our minds off of what worries us. But unfortunately, it also distracts us from what needs to be our primary focus. I see people getting lost in social media and crafting the best business post ever but, sadly, not taking the time to create a product to sell.

Instead, look at the big picture and focus on what's important.

Negative Self-Talk
Are you constantly criticizing yourself or using negative self-talk to keep yourself from succeeding? Negative self-talk can stop you from asking someone out on a date, prevent you from sending your resume off for your dream job, or hurt you in so many other ways.

Instead, be your own personal cheerleader and practice positive affirmations.

All of these behaviors can have a seriously detrimental effect on your life. It may take some time to change these behaviors, but working together, I can help you take back control of your life and end self-sabotage.

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